Julie Doesn't Like Taking her Top Off For The Cancer Doctors Either

Don't know if Mardi Gras beads would make it better for her too....

She's Probably Right (She Usually Is)

Julie: So what are you getting me for Christmas?
Me: I can't tell you. It's a surprise.
Julie: Is it one of the two things I've told you I want but didn't just go buy myself?
Me: No, it's something else.
Julie: How can you know it's something I want if I didn't tell you?
Me: I came up with it on my own - I used my brain.
Julie: You no have brain!

"We All Have A Burden In Life. I Am Your Burden. Your Fault You Chose Me."

During my shower:

"I'm going to steal your towel."
"You can not! I need it."
"You do not, you big baby."
"I do. Otherwise I will drip."
"You crazy shit."
"Did you just call me a 'crazy shit'?"
"Ya, you like."


As I am getting out:

"Come here. I will pour root beer on you."
"You can not! I'm all clean."
"It's still in the bottle, you fathead. It's clean."
"It will get me all sticky."
"Don't be silly. It's diet."

Typical Monday Morning Conversation

Julie:  My snuggie is in the car.  Can you come home and bring it to me?

me:  there are no blankets already inside?

Julie:  I need the snuggie

I am trying to sit up and read this text book

me:  you could turn off the fan and the a/c

Julie:  are you insane?

me:  apparently

Julie:  also

the humidifier needs to be filled

how am I supposed to function without you??

me:  I thought you liked being in control of your life

Julie:  you do NOT get to use my personality quirks against me when I am being lazy.

besides Buffy is asleep under the blankets lying on me, you don't want to disturb her do you?

me:  she barks at signposts. she's already disturbed

me:  aw. Buffy is learning Growth & Development

 

Julie:  yah

Jabba the Pug

Taken from here.

I'm Not Inspired Yet, But I'm Getting Close

Back when we first started dating, Julie decided she was ready to lose weight. But then her dad died, and then she was diagnosed with cancer, and then her uncle died, and with all the stress those caused dieting just wasn't in the cards. Particularly during the chemotherapy, when all that mattered was "will this food stay down?"

But time has past, and life is much more settled now, and she's decided it's time to give it a go. For two weeks now, she's been monitoring her calories and taking herself to the gym nearly every day. She also signed up to do an extra shift at the hospital every week for the next few months, at the end of which she'll get a very nice bonus. So she's been pushing herself hard. And it's paying off - she's down about ten pounds so far, and while it's hard work, it isn't overwhelming her. Even the edema in her chest isn't any worse than usual (or if it is, she's fighting through it without telling me).

I'm very excited to see this. Less than two years ago, she was so weak from the cancer treatments. Just one night of work would leave her exhausted for days. But now, she's strong, she's in control of her life, and she's accomplishing her goals. I am very, very proud of her. I am even starting to feel a little motivated to start pushing myself to go back to exercising too, although not quite yet. Soon.

She just walked in here after taking a shower to show off how when she wraps the towel around herself there's no longer a gap at the bottom from not reaching all the way around her stomach. That is a big hooray (although the lecherous part of me thinks that means we need smaller towels...).

Shake It, Baby!

I Couldn't Not Post This

Okay, you can go back to your lives now.

Five Facts They Don't Teach In History Class

1) A conspiracy of the founding fathers, led by John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, assasinated George Washington in 1784 as he was leaving his Masonic lodge.

2) The Spanish-American War of 1898 was triggered by a dispute over whether the Havana Sugarcutters (now the Arizona Diamondbacks) would join the American or the National League.

3) The Declaration of Independence was actually written by two socialists and a Baptist minister in 1891.

4) The state of California sank into the ocean in 1961. A joint effort by the FBI, the NSA, and the Walt Disney Company maintain the illusion that it is still there.

5) Lincoln's brain was kept alive in a jar, now stored in a secret vault under the Lincoln Memorial. Once a month the president comes down to the vault to consult with Lincoln's brain on current affairs of state. Most of the rest of the time, Lincoln's brain plays Battlefield III and Mario Brothers.

You Giefs iPhone Right Nao!

Julie: What you getting me for my birthday?

Me: A present.

J: What kind of present?

M: A wrapped one.

J: I know you're getting me a new iPhone, why you not just admit it?

M: You're birthday's in two weeks. You'll find out then.

J: That is too many long! I cannot wait.

M: Just be patient.

J: I cannot! I has a many fatigue and stress. You giefs me my present nao!

M: It's not your birthday yet.

J: I need!

M: I does not has yet.

J: you gonna forget to buy me one, I know it.

-- two days later --

J: I bought a new case for my phone that you're gonna give me for my birthday! See?

M: I guess I'm getting you a phone for your birthday.

J: Hooray! You go get it for me right now.

M: I don't have the money right now.

J: Well, don't you forget to buy it until the last minute and then I won't be able to use it on my trip to Florida.

M: I will get it on my next payday.

J: Good. We can go buy it together. This way I know you not screw it up, and then you can giefs!

M: But that's still a week before your birthday.

J: You're missing the point. You're not too bright, are you? That's okay, I love you anyway.

Story Time

This all happened 35-40 years ago, and most of it is second or third hand, and kids don't always understand what's going on in the adult world. So I don't claim that what I remember is exactly what happened. However, my perceptions of it made a big difference in how I see the world and the people in it, and that's what really matters.

I was probably four years old (which would make it 1972 or so) when my parents invited a man to come over for dinner at our home in Pittsburgh. I remember that he was big (a lot bigger than my dad, who was roughly average-size) and black and rather intimidating to a little kid. Based But he was friendly and after a bit I got used to him, and decided he was okay after all. Pretty typical kid reaction to a stranger in the house. I don't think I ever saw him again.

About a year later, we had moved to Connecticut, bought a house in the suburbs and survived the great ice storm of '73. One day my mom said dad was going to be out of town for a few days, which wasn't that unusual an occurrence, since he traveled a lot on business. She asked if I remembered that man who had come over for dinner, and I did. Well, apparently he was having some trouble with something, and dad was helping him out. Okay.

I don't remember when it came up exactly, or why, but at some point mom filled me in on the story. I was older, but still a kid. Maybe about ten or so. Apparently, dad had spent some time going to prisons and counseling inmates as part of a church outreach program. Now, dad's religious beliefs have careened from atheist to born-again christian and back again over the course of his adult life, with stops along the way for Lutheranism, Catholicism, Judaism, and Anglicanism. Probably some other stuff in there too. I'm not sure where exactly he was in this colorful journey when he was visiting prisons, but I think in the early 70s it would have been more about social justice and less about saving eternal souls. Anyway, that's where he met this man, and he had just gotten out when my parents had him over for dinner. The trouble he was having a couple years later was about as serious as it gets - he'd been charged with murder. My dad had taken time off from work, traveled to another state, and testified as a character witness. Apparently having Dr. T. A. Cruse, PhD, a white upper-middle class engineer speaking on behalf of a poor ex-con black man impressed the hell out of the jury, and he was found not guilty.

Demographically, I'm about as privileged as it gets in this country. White, male, educated, intelligent, heterosexual, two parents who loved me and each other, the list goes on and on. But I learned a valuable lesson, watching my dad as I grew up. Having been dealt all the goods cards doesn't make you better than other people, it just means you were luckier. And sometimes, to be a man means doing right by other people - even if you have to step out of your comfort zone and stick your neck out a bit. I've been thinking about this story a lot this past week, with the BlizzCon kerfluffle. In addition to raising my voice on my blog I took a few steps I don't usually take to try to influence the president of a multi-billion dollar company. I have no idea if anything I did had the slightest impact on how it all ultimately played out, but it never occurred to me not to try. I was not targeted by that hateful video in any way, and I could easily have done nothing. But I know I did right by my fellow gamers, and I sleep pretty good at night knowing I did. Would I still have done it, had I not seen dad's examples - this story and a number of other times, big and small that dad did the right thing. I don't know. Quite possibly not. So thank you dad, for showing me how to be a grown-up, even when it's not convenient.

Too Old To Rock& Roll, Too Young To Die

Julie (singing): I.... want to rock and roll all night!
Me (quasi-singing): And part of every day!
Julie: Um, you know, the line is supposed to be "and party every day"
Me: Yeah, well, I'm too old to do it full-time anymore, if I want to rock and roll all night. So I'm just going part-time.
Julie: Michael, you were born too old to party every day.

What Are You Thinking About?

Next time someone asks me that, I'm just going to point them to this comic. Because, yeah, that's pretty much what's going on in my brain at any given moment...

Does You Need Me To Kill You Dead?

Does you need me to kill you dead?
Why would I need that?
I dunno. I just asking.
Well, that was thoughtful of you.
Yah, I'm a nice person.

Does you need me to kill you dead?
No! Of course not!
Yes you do. Why you lie to me?

Does you need me to kill you dead?
I don't think so. Why would I?
Why wouldn't you?
Well, if you did, I wouldn't be happy.
How would you know? You'd be dead.
Okay, I guess that's hard to argue with.

Does you need me to kill you dead?
If you did, who would give you rubs?
Well, yes, that would be a problem. But it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for the greater good.
That's very noble of you.
Yah, I know. It's my nature.

(Just a few conversations we've had over the past few days. I'm guessing not too many people have conversations that would sound this terrible if taken out of context.)

Time For A Darth Vader Pic

'Cause, well, it's been a while. I have no other explanation.

Stolen from here.

I Don't Think My Stepson Gets Us

There are the sounds of shrieking from our bedroom. Then water running. A few minutes later I emerge into the living room.

Me (faux indignant): Your mom just poured Dr Pepper on my head!

Stepson: Why?

Me: For her own amusement!

Ss: Is she okay?

Me: Of course not! She's freaking nuts!

At which point he retreats back into the stable and rational world of Spongebob Squarepants. Poor kid. It must be hard being a teenager and knowing your the only sane person in your family.

And She's....

...painting my toenails purple again. Just on the left foot. Not sure why she enjoys doing it, but she does, so I just roll with it. She can't really say. Perhaps it's reassuring to her, a reminder that yes, I do trust her, that I don't mind minor strange incursions into my personal space. I figure tolerating this affront to my manly dignity is just karma, catching up with me for all the times I wouldn't let my six-year-old kid sister dress me up like an oversized Barbie doll.

When I was with Brett, we never did anything together that didn't make sense. And as time went by, we just did less and less together, until there was nothing left. I realize now, doing little things that bring us closer together, that keep us from drifting apart, are so very very important. They keep the love strong and rejuvenated. Who cares if they make sense?

Of course, for the next week or so I'm going to glance down towards my feet and mentally scream "holy crap what happened to my toes???!?" at least once a day. I can live with that.

This Is For Julie

Is a dude.

We Have Our Own Language

So, when we have a conversation like:
Julie (using her aristocratic voice): "Does .... does you need me to .... beat your heinie?"
Me: "What, with a giant black dildo?"
Julie: "Yeah!!! You will like!"

What we actually mean is:
Julie: "I love you and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you."
Me: "I love you and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you, too."

Just don't ask me why we use that language. There is, in fact, no beating and no giant dildo. All I know is, we know what we mean.

Is It Too Late To Trade In My Dad For The Cool One?

I mean, I love you Dad and all, but holy crap! With this one I could have had Shadowcat and Lockheed with my lunch. Along with about a bazillion more brown bags of awesome...

Reality Has A Well-Documented Anti-Conservative Bias

"Now, therefore, I, Rick Perry, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011 to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas." Perhaps he was counting on the prayers to make up for the planned 20% cut in funding to the Texas Forest Service.

And how well did that work? Here's some recent footage from Bastrop State Park, not far from the state capital.

Either god is a mean bastard who really hates Texas and its governor and the 500 or so families who have lost their homes, or else Texas is a hot dry place to begin with that has suffered from the combined effects of the cyclical weather pattern La Nina and overall climate change.

The people who founded this country but barriers in place to separate government from religion, because they realized that governments suck at metaphysics and religions suck at managing a world controlled by predictable natural laws that can be studied and learned. It's too bad many of our modern leaders lack their wisdom.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me

Julie has to treat a lot of cancer patients as part of her job, because that's one of the things her hospital specializes in. Cancer patient in Austin area needs to be in ICU? They go to Seton Main. It sucks for her sometimes, having to deal with cancer patients when she is has cancer, but I think she's more or less accepted it and learned how to handle it, and probably sometimes is able to bring an extra degree of empathy. But tonight she tells me that she has a woman who was treated for Stage 2 breast cancer and thought she had beaten it, but now it's back and it's spread to her bones and liver. Which is almost always fatal. And there's about a one in five chance that the same thing will happen to Julie.

Fuck cancer. Fuck whatever insensitive fuckbrained asshole assigned that patient to Julie. Sometimes I hate her job almost as much as she does.

Is It The Weekend Yet?

I has a sleepy.

Looks Like A Fun Way To Waste Time

Solar System Builder

A Slight Miscommunication

"Why on earth would you want to jump over me? Just go around me. You are such a dork."

"Um, no, actually I just said 'I want to jump you'. No 'over'."

"Oh. Ohhhh. Well, in that case, by all means carry on."

What I Was Up To One Year Ago Today (Sort Of)

Actually, it was one year ago yesterday. But I was doing other stuff yesterday.

It was a wonderful day. The rain stayed out in the gulf, the store we ordered the food from fixed their mistake in time, we didn't lose the rings, and I was the happiest man in the world.

One year later, I still am.

Reason #732 Why My Wife Is Effing Awesome

Many thanks to xkcd.com for pointing this out. In Julie's case, they went with a sharpie pen instead of tattoos (somewhat different treatment regimen, I believe), but just as hardcore.

End Of An Era

So, the last space shuttle mission ended today. I've read and heard a number of people say that it is a sad thing. But, I don't see it that way. The space shuttles had a degree of coolness, but to be honest I'm glad they're done. In fact, I belong to the school of thought that manned space travel is a bad idea.

I shall explain.

One of the issues you have when you put a man into space is that you kind of need to bring him back. This means that in addition to the man, you need a vehicle. This vehicle needs a lot of fuel. This in turn means that you need a lot more fuel to get the man and his vehicle and its fuel into space in the first place. A Saturn V rocket was 363 feet tall and weighed seven million pounds, all necessary so that three men could go to the moon and back (and only two of them actually got to land - one had to stay in orbit). That's a lot. No other rocket comes close. I can't imagine how big a rocket you would need to send men to Mars and back.

Of course, going to Mars would mean a multi-stage mission, not a single shot. Probably an enhanced space station would be built to support a permanent moon base. The Mars mission would depart from there, probably with the crew in one rocket and supplies in other rockets. All just to get some men there who would take some pictures, collect some rocks, and then scamper for home.

Meanwhile, we are already exploring Mars. Mariner, Viking, Global Surveyor, Phoenix, Pathfinder, Odyssey, Spirit and Opportunity, Reconnaissance Orbiter, ... The list keeps growing, and each mission is more sophisticated than the last. There have been plenty of failed missions as well, but the price of failure is a hundred pounds of scrap metal smeared across a Martian plain. That's a lot cheaper than a half dozen human beings smeared across the same plain. A robotic explorer doesn't need food or water or exercise equipment or a toilet, and it doesn't need fuel to bring it back to earth. A human explorer may be able to do more than a single robot, but every year the gap is narrowing. How many robotic explorers could we send to Mars for the cost of a manned mission? Hundreds? Thousands? Not exciting, not glamorous, but we'd learn far more about another planet.

The space shuttle is basically a dump truck. Big payload, powerful but short-range rockets. To keep the cost down, it was designed withe the rockets, the fuel tanks, the payload, and the crew all side-by-side, rather than stacked like a conventional rocket. This meant that when something went wrong, as it did with Challenger in '86 and Columbia in '03, the crews were vulnerable, and they died. In both cases, cost- and PR-conscious NASA administrators overuled attempts to actually solve the problems, and the crews died. NASA has become as clumsy and badly-configured as the shuttles themselves.

Seeing people be launched into space, and safely return, is a stirring sight. But is it worth it, when there are cheaper, better ways that don't put brave people at risk? I don't think so.

Go Away Monday

No want.

Because Pugs Are Awesome...

...if a tad on the short side

It's Friday!

I so excited.

Messing With The In-Laws

J: I'm going to change my Facebook relationship status to "It's complicated."

M: Why would you do that?

J: Because then your parents will call you and ask what's wrong.

M: Yes, they will freak out and they will want to know what they can do to help, and they won't believe me when I say everything's fine so they will keep calling.

J: Yeah, you will like. It's good to talk to your parents.

M: No, it's going to get old after the second call.

J: Yes, but I will be amused, which is the most important thing. And then tomorrow? I'll change my status to "divorced". That'll really drive them crazy!

<thirty minutes later>

J: Ha-HAAAAH! I had a better idea. I'm going to make the change to your Facebook status! You will like.

M: Great googly moogly.

Why The Hell Is This An Issue?

An article in Salon is talking about politeness and sexism and manners and "benevolent sexism" and punching feminists and all that stuff. The thing that jumped out at me in all this was how many people obsess about holding the door open for someone else. Is it acceptable? Is it sexist? Is it both, or is it just rude? Everyone's got an opinion, or an anecdote, or something.

What. The. Hell?

Here is my experience: when I go through a door (or open a door and am about to go through it) and I see someone approaching with the obvious intent of also going through the door, I hold the door so it doesn't close in their face. Usually I get a "thank you", sometimes there is no feedback. Conversely, when I am approaching a door someone else has just used, they almost always hold it open so it doesn't close in my face, and I say "thank you". It all takes about a second, and then we go on our separate ways. Certainly, nobody has ever yelled at me or threatened violence over it.

Now, nowhere in this is anybody's sex a factor. Ever. I hold the door for women and men alike, women and men alike hold the door for me. There's no chivalry, no condesencion, no fears of "does it make me kind of a fag?" It's just people being polite to each other, and it's never mattered whether I was in Texas or New York or California or Iowa.

Does these dynamics suddenly alter when neither party is a middle-aged nondescript guy? Or is the whole thing nothing more than a memory from how things were in some antideluvian era when everyone let the door close in guys' faces, a memory that keeps us from noticing how the world actually works today?

Umm.... Oops?

The Internet Brings People Together

Julie's in Florida this week, visiting her family. But thanks to the magic of the internet, we can stay close.

Julie:  I miss you honey

Julie:here, I will help you not miss me

me:  uh oh

Julie:  Michael, will you write my paper?

Julie:  My feet hurt.

Julie:  I need rubs

Julie:  can you get me a soda babe?

Julie:  I hate school.

Julie:  I am quitting my job

Julie:  its all your fault

Julie:  everything.

Julie:  I will give you 5 dollars

Julie:  there, feel better?

me:  it's like you are right here with me

Julie:  I NEED MONIES

Two Of My All-Time Favorite Aliens

Right up there with Chewbacca, Mr. Spock, and that dude with the, you know, things.

A Follow-Up To That Last Post

via Damn You Autocorrect dot com.

Yeah, I Thought People Might React Like This

Poor Ned Stark.

Cancer Update

Julie had another full-body PET scan this week, and the results were negative - no cancerous cells anywhere. It's been about a year now since she finished her treatments; just four more to go until she is considered "cured". Which is really an aknowledgement that you've been cured the whole time, but we weren't sure until now. Very inconvenient system, but it's the best they've got. Of course, there's still about a 20-25% chance that there's still mutant cells somewhere in her body, just laying low until they decide to start making tumors again. And if they do, well, that would be really really bad. So, every few months we'll be going through this, worrying and scanning and then worrying more.

Unfortunately, not having any cancer doesn't mean she's free of the consequences. Between the cancerous lymph nodes being taken out and the scarring from the radiation, Julie gets a lot of swelling in her chest and arm as fluids build up and can't drain efficiently. It can get very painful, and pretty much the only thing that helps is for me to massage the affected areas. It may get somewhat better with time, but for the most part she's going to have to deal with it for the rest of her life. I was talking to a friend whose wife underwent treatment for leukemia about seven years ago, including a bone marrow transplant. We agreed that if ordinary people were coming down with these kinds of chronic issues, it would most likely be labeled a major health issue and billions would go for finding cures. But since it's cancer, the medical industry shrugs its collective shoulders and says "well, it's better than being dead isn't it?" Yeah, it is, but that doesn't make the pain any less.

Cancer sucks.

Out Of Context

Talking to Julie while she is playing World of Warcraft can be damaging to one's self-image:

"Can you bring me a soda, baby?"

"Sure, love."

"You asshole!"

"Huh?"

"Stupid gorilla."

Happy Mother's Day

"I love you more than you love me."

"That's not true!"

"It is."

"We both love each other more than we can count. So how can you say you love me more?"

"Because I do."

"If you love me more, how come I'm the one who logged out and am giving you a backrub so you can keep playing?"

"Because it's Mother's Day, beeyatch."

Daaaang.......

Well, there's your problem!

From seniorgif.com

5 Things I Have Never Done

...and really hope I never do.

1) Follow the "Shake well before opening" instructions on a can of Slim-Fast, forgetting that I'm actually holding a can of Diet Coke.

2) Drop my cell phone in the toilet.

3) Use two cups of salt instead of two cups of sugar when baking a pie.

4) Call my wife my ex's name.

5) Convince myself I can manage to carry a really big really expensive tv up the stairs without help.

AvP Poker Faces

Yeah. I nerdgasmmed.

Winter Is Coming

This Sunday, at 8:00 pm Central time.

Pimp My Sith

Culture Fail

Julie:  Turkey is Emerilized!

me:  is wha?

Julie:  BAM!

me:  are you drunk?

Julie:  YOU DONT KNOW WHO EMERIL IS?!

me:  no....

Julie:  FFS use Google, Michael
he is probably one of the most famous chefs of current times

me:  ok
does he say "bam!" a lot?

Julie:  YES MICHAEL
GOOGLE BAM

me:  ok, I got

Julie:  omfg
you have just traumatized me
guh.

me:  I sorry

Julie:  I just don't get how you didn't know who he was
and since you didn't, you don't realize how nice it is that I am using his recipe to make you a turkey

me:  I am sure it is awesome


EDIT: Yeah, it was the best turkey dinner I've ever had. BAM!

World of Warcraft: Now What?

For the most part, I have been quite pleased with Cataclysm. In particular, the difficulty levels in the dungeons and raids suited me just fine. Julie and I were in a brand new guild, with people who had similar ideas of how to balance fun and progression, with minimal personality conflicts, and a raid schedule that happened to line up exactly with the only times we could both make. Oh, and for the first time ever, I was getting to do real progression raiding on Ratshag, the character I've always thought of as my main. We had two bosses, if not yet on farm, at least dying predictably, and were making good progress on the next one. It was all going as well as I could have hoped.

But the fact that things were just as I wanted them did not mean it was working out for the other people. Two weeks ago, one of our raiders announced he was canceling his WoW account, and within the hour four more raiders made similar announcements. Clearly, there was a general sense of wanting or needing to do other things, and folks had been holding off, not wanting to be the one to break the camel's back. Julie wasn't officially part of the exodus, but she had a lot on her plate between work and classes, and the only thing holding to raiding was not wanting to let me down, so when it happened it was a relief to her.

So... now what?

I like raiding. I like the feeling of being part of a team, of achieving shared goals. I also like the structure which comes from having a fixed schedule. Unfortunately I don't see a way to fit a raiding schedule anywhere into my life right now. Julie works three nights a week (except when she doesn't), she takes classes several nights a week (except when she doesn't), Taylor spends a couple nights a week with us (except when she doesn't), the dogs need to be walked (no exceptions), dinner needs to be cooked (usually), homework needs to be checked (often). Right now, there just isn't much room for any commitments - I was able to bend life a bit to fit in a five-hour-a-week schedule, but life has now snapped back and that window is shut.

This summer things should be different - Julie's plan is to be taking more on-line classes, the hospital workload will drop some, Taylor's stays will be longer allowing for more flexibility. It's probable that if I gear up one of my Alliance toons that I could get to raid at least part time. But nothing is certain (as recent events have shown), and the gearing up process is slower and harder than it was a year ago. So, I'm feeling a little gun shy, I suspect. Do I want to invest the time and effort again, knowing that it might not pay off? Or do I just want to level alts, learn professions, complete achievements - all low risk activities, convenient, not dependent on others? The other night I had the rather disturbing idea of converting Ratshag, with all his hard-fought raiding gear, into an Alliance race. Would simplify things, sure, but I think it would cost me a part of my soul to lose the amazingly virile one. Weird to care so much about a lump of pixels, but I do.

So, now what? This weekend I've been leveling my paladin, Kinnavieve. Got her to 84 last night. When she gets to 85, will I keep on playing her, pushing through the gearing up grind for the potential rewards? Or will I change to leveling another character, perhaps with the goal of raiding on that one? I'm really not sure. Wish I could just figure out what I really wanted to do.

Does Brett Have Any Marbles Left?

We got to visit my parents last week at their new home in Colorado (They're not in Ohio anymore, because Dad gets insanely restless every few years and needs to move. When he dies, my sister and I plan to put his ashes in an urn and move it around the country periodically so he doesn't get annoyed and go haunt people or something. Anywho.). While we were there, we had several discussions about Brett. We know Brett thinks that she can use Taylor as leverage over my parents when I start cutting off the money flow, and we wanted to make sure they understood that we won't let the utilities get cut off or the food run out. We just aren't going to give Brett cash anymore (much of which I'm sure is going to support her cows and goats and whatever else she's keeping).

Along the way, an interesting datum came up in all this. Brett's secret plan for when I cut her off is to take me to court and claim she is entitled to .... who knows what ... because I was seeing Julie before the divorce went through. Which shows she is pretty ignorant of the law. If at the divorce trial she could have shown that I had spent some of our joint money on Julie (which I admit I did) she would have been entitled to that much more than 50% of our net worth. However, I was already voluntarily giving her significantly more than 50%, so it would have been moot. And of course, there's the small fact that the trial happened over a year ago, and there's no do-overs.

But it's not her secret plan that dumbfounded me. It's just sad, that she thinks she can still avoid having to, you know, support herself like any other adult. What amazed me was that she confided her secret plan to my father. She actually believes that she is so in the right, and I so in the wrong, that my own parents are taking her side. The reality is that they think she is a lunatic who should be committed for her own good.

Twenty years ago, I fell in love with a bright, ambitious young woman. It hurts my heart to see what a pathetic, delusional, train wreck of a human being she has become.

THIS Is Far Freakin' Cool

Ward Shelley's map of the history of science fiction:

click to embiggen

I was particularly pleased to see Cyrano de Bergerac's Empires of the Moon included in the pre-SF speculative branch. Awesome as Jose Ferrer's portrayal of the man was, he was much more than a swordsman/poet with a big nose.

Oh Shi-

It's Not Easy Being Green

I'm still wondering what's keeping her car on the road....

Partners

Julie's at work tonight, her third twelve-hour shift of the week. That's what she is supposed to work, but for the first seven months she's been at this hospital it never worked out that way. Either she was in too much pain from the lingering effects of her surgery and had to call in sick, or there weren't enough patients and she would get put on call. But last month, for whatever reason, the patient load finally picked up enough to match the staffing level, and she hasn't been called off once. This is putting demands on her she hasn't had to meet since before her diagnosis, but she is handling it.

Julie is taking a heavy class load at Austin Community College - eighteen hours. This year she has started working towards earning a bachelors degree in nursing, to open up career options that aren't available with just a two-year degree. Possibilities like becoming a nurse anaesthetist, with great pay and regular hours and no muscle-pulling labor. She had intended to do this a couple of years ago, but then some guy came into her life and thoughtlessly disrupted everything. And then the cancer disrupted things more. But she is stronger now, the strongest she has been in over a year. And she thought she was ready to take on both work and school. It was hard at first, and she was afraid that maybe the cancer and the chemo had damaged her brain. That she might not be as smart as she once was. But after a couple weeks, the rust got knocked off, and her brain remembered how to learn new material and take tests and write papers, and she currently has an "A" average in all five classes. This is putting further demands on her, but she is handling it.

At home, there is much to do. Cooking and cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping and managing the animals and harassing the teenagers to at least make token gestures toward living like civilized human beings. It isn't fun, it isn't very rewarding, but it is so important to me that these things are covered, that Julie not feel like she needs to worry about anything more than what she has to. This is putting demands on me, but I am handling it.

I am very, very proud of Julie. Her ambition, her strength, her determination. She has made it clear that she loves me more than ever for stepping up and supporting her. You know what this feels like?

It feels like we are partners.

For so many years I wanted to feel like Brett and I were partners. Like we were working together to make a better life for both of us. But it never worked out that way. The more I tried to make it happen, the more she focused on herself. But now, with Julie, I finally have that. And it feels wonderful.

One. Million. Coconuts.

'Cause I's fuhggin' worth every one of'em.

Vader vs Goats

Because there is no such thing as too much Darth Vader. I should make him a weekly feature or something....

Atheist Vader

This

Cutting the Umbilical Cord

It's been nearly two-and-a-half years since Brett and I separated. Nearly two years since I filed for divorce. Fifteen months since the divorce was finalized. In all this time, Brett has made no move towards finding a job so she can support herself. Instead she continues to life off of the $1600 a month I give her (on top of the child support payments). Nor has she gone back to school, which she had talked about doing and I had said I was willing to extend the support for. Much of this money is probably going to support her livestock hobby (cows, goats, whatever) which she pretends is a business but is really a hobby.

Well, I'm done waiting for her to get her shit together and become an adult. I'm not going to cut her off cold turkey, but I need to make it clear she does not have unlimited time. So I e-mailed her this:

About spousal support. These payments are intended to give you time to find employment so that you can support yourself. As I said several times during the divorce process, I was also willing to continue this support for up to three years so that you could go back to school. Now, it is your life and I have no interest in telling you what to do. However, at this point  I feel no further moral obligation (nor do I have one legally) to continue making payments to you while you do neither of these....I will keep the payments at their current level through September and then stop them. (This does not include the mortgage payments, which I will continue to make until the September following Taylor's 18th birthday.)

So how did she take it?

This is not something which you get to decide unilaterally....Well I guess we will go back to court only this time I will show up. I am still seeing a therapist and on medication, but am no longer clinically depressed to the point of only marginally functioning. So I won't be such a pushover. Agian, you have rationalized that you are "the good guy" and don't have to be "generous". Well, we disagree about what is fair, about what is legal, about what you get to unilaterally decide.

Well, guess what Brett? If you check the divorce decree, it says I only have to pay you $1000 a month through last September. What I am paying you now is entirely my choice. The law is completely on my side. I can be as unilateral with my money as I want. You've got eight months to become enough of an adult to at least attempt to support yourself. Get cracking.

She's Trying To Kill Me

A lot of people sometimes bring home stuff from work. Pens, a stapler, maybe a tzotchke with the company logo on it. But what does my Julie the ICU nurse bring home?

She swears it's just melted ice she used to keep her cokes cold, but I know the truth:

She's trying to kill me.