Five Facts They Don't Teach In History Class

1) A conspiracy of the founding fathers, led by John Adams and Thomas Jefferson, assasinated George Washington in 1784 as he was leaving his Masonic lodge.

2) The Spanish-American War of 1898 was triggered by a dispute over whether the Havana Sugarcutters (now the Arizona Diamondbacks) would join the American or the National League.

3) The Declaration of Independence was actually written by two socialists and a Baptist minister in 1891.

4) The state of California sank into the ocean in 1961. A joint effort by the FBI, the NSA, and the Walt Disney Company maintain the illusion that it is still there.

5) Lincoln's brain was kept alive in a jar, now stored in a secret vault under the Lincoln Memorial. Once a month the president comes down to the vault to consult with Lincoln's brain on current affairs of state. Most of the rest of the time, Lincoln's brain plays Battlefield III and Mario Brothers.