You Giefs iPhone Right Nao!

Julie: What you getting me for my birthday?

Me: A present.

J: What kind of present?

M: A wrapped one.

J: I know you're getting me a new iPhone, why you not just admit it?

M: You're birthday's in two weeks. You'll find out then.

J: That is too many long! I cannot wait.

M: Just be patient.

J: I cannot! I has a many fatigue and stress. You giefs me my present nao!

M: It's not your birthday yet.

J: I need!

M: I does not has yet.

J: you gonna forget to buy me one, I know it.

-- two days later --

J: I bought a new case for my phone that you're gonna give me for my birthday! See?

M: I guess I'm getting you a phone for your birthday.

J: Hooray! You go get it for me right now.

M: I don't have the money right now.

J: Well, don't you forget to buy it until the last minute and then I won't be able to use it on my trip to Florida.

M: I will get it on my next payday.

J: Good. We can go buy it together. This way I know you not screw it up, and then you can giefs!

M: But that's still a week before your birthday.

J: You're missing the point. You're not too bright, are you? That's okay, I love you anyway.