Voting

I voted today for president, for the fifth time in my life. 

I feel no allegiance to either major political party. Nor do I fit the labels of "liberal" or "conservative". I believe that we need more nuclear power, that the government should stay out of people's bedrooms, churches, and doctor's offices, that a modest national debt is a good thing, that we need a strong defense, that we need to protect species like polar bears and bald eagles and mountain gorillas but I couldn't care less about amphibians. I believe in hiways and free trade and embryonic stem cell research and progressive tax rates and giving people to save more and consume less.

In 2000 I was prepared to vote for John McCain, but he dropped out of the race before my state's primary.

In 2004 I heard Barak Obama speak, and thought "Holy crap, that man's going to be president someday."

Political campaigns are nasty, dirty, brutish events which leave all aspirants sullied. This has always been the case, going back at least to the ancient Athenians and probably long before them. It is unpleasant, but inevitable, and I accept this. What I Can. Not. Accept. is members of one campaign referring to citizens of this country as un-American, just because they have differing views on some issues. That they don't live in "real America". That they are anti-America. That is an attack on patriotic citizens, an attack on me, and an attack on the principles of democracy. It is an act worthy of Joe McCarthy, or the instigators of the salem witch trials. And it has cost their candidate my vote.

He may not have crossed over the line himself, but if he cannot govern his own campaign, how can he govern this nation?

Warcraft QQBBQ

So, like I said, Shadow Priests got majorly changed in the vew Version 3 of World of Warcraft, leaving me with a very well-geared character that I just don't enjoy playing any more. I've tried it, and it's just not fun for me. So I've been working hard to level up my paladin. She's only three levels away from Outland now, 15 from the cap, with two-and-a-half weeks to fo til the expansion. And I've been enjoying playing her. It looks like I just flat enjoy melee classes over casters - warriors, rogues, shaman, and now pallies.

Problem, though, is there's a lot of fun stuff going on right now. Headless Horseman, Achievements, and now the Scourge Invasion. But leveling takes time. A lot of time. So pretty much, I'm having to watch these things go on around me, without participating. Which is getting frustrating.  I'll be really glad when the expansion comes out, and I'm doing the same stuff as everyone else.

Okay, QQ off now.

Trials of Separation

My therapist thinks I should date other women. Be open to the possibility of intimacy with them too. Buy some really nice sheets for my bed, she told me one time. But definitely accept that reconciliation with Brett is not likely, and that she and I both know that I'd be miserable again if I moved back without Brett making big changes to how she behaves toward me.

I don't feel okay with the idea of dating. I went on a few dates when I was single, twenty years ago, but none of them led to anything. Might have been a second date or two, but I can't remember any third dates. Instead all of my relationships (a grand total of three) stared with friendship, then became physical, and then we got around to dating. Doing things in the more traditional order is a little intimidating. And then there are the implications. Going on dates with other women would mean giving up more of my unfounded optimism that still believes in the possibility that it can be worked out. 

Brett wants to reconcile. She flat out told me so last night. I'd gone over to the house for dinner and afterwards we played cards and thoroughly embarassed Taylor by giving her The Talk Part 3: Birth Control. We did a real good being a team, making it clear that we both felt this stuff was no big deal and that we expected her to put this information to use. After Taylor went to bed we talked some, and I said what I wanted was to be together but to be happy, and that I thought that would only be possible with more therapy, and she told me she wanted me to come back, and we ended up making out on the living room sofa. We have been much more physically affectionate these past two months than in recent years, and it feels so good. I love her, she loves me, and we want so much to be close.

But, it's not that easy.  Her instincts are still screwed up - sooner or later we'll have a difference of opinion, and she'll call me a loser and a jerk for having opinions or feelings different from hers. We'll agree to do something in a particular way, and then she'll go and do it her own way and be totally baffled as to why this bothers me - after all, it doesn't bother her. And we'd be right back where we were a few months ago, miserable and stressed and desparate for a way out. This just will not work.

And what do I want?

I don't know. I'm happy right now, happier than I've been in a long time. And I don't want to give that up. And I don't want to start any new commitments, just yet. But, keeping things in limbo might not be fair to Brett and Taylor, and possibly me. So, I just don't know. Wish it was simpler.

Coolest Damn Game EVAH!

Also known as mopping the floor, for those of us who are not six month old puppies.

Warcraft Frustrations

So, version 3 of World of Warcraft is scheduled to go live in a few days, with major reworks on combat rules, the roles of different classes and talent builds. Minor changes too, like pets no longer taking up valuable bag space and hairstyling available in all the cities. All in preparation for the Wrath of the Lich King expansion, which is due to hit next month. There's a lot to be excited about.

But I'm not.

My main character the past six months has been a Shadow Priests. Spriests play a useful role in raiding - their Vampiric Touch spell causes the damage they do to monsters is returned to their allies in the form of mana, giving them the ability to cast more spells and do more damage without running out of mana. During a long fight, a shadow priest can return more mana than there was to start with. Additionally, spriests debuff their target, making them more vulnerable to attack, particularly from shadow magic. To balance this, our ability to do damage is less than that of other caster classes, such as mages and warlocks. But it's a fair trade, and I've enjoyed being the guy that makes it easier for others to do their jobs.

But that's all going away.

With the new rules, spriests are supposed to be generic casters. There will remain some mana resotration ability, but it will be at a flate rate - independent of how effectively we're hurting the monster. And two other specs - survival hunters and retribution paladins - will also be able to provide that mana. And the debuffs on our targets? Gone. To balance this, our damage is supposed to be ramped up to the point where we can match anyone in the raid.

But Blizzard got the math wrong.

All of the beta testers and theorycrafters are reporting that spriests are still at the bottom of the pack, damage-wise. Blizzard has aknowledged that something is wrong and that they're still working on it, but the actual class designer has said nothing. And now weeks have gone by with no changes, no updates, no explanations. Meanwhile, other classes are getting what appear to be final tweaks to their abilities. 

People are getting excited about the changes. Lots of buzz on the internet. Not everyone getting stuff as cool as the rhino pets for hunters, but most folks are getting something. There are complaints about Blizz pushing some specs to play in a way different than they'd like. There have been a few outcries when one rule change causes real problems (holy pallies comes to mind) but those seem to be getting addressed fairly quickly. I don't think any of the other classes are outright not working as supposed to, except ours.

I know my guild would allow me to keep raiding, even if the shadow priest build remains broken.. Showing up on time, bringing supplies, following instructions, and not standing in the fire count for a lot. Possibly being a nice guy helps too. But I don't want to the weak link in the raid's chain. It has zero appeal. And since I can't tell what Blizzard will do or when they'll do it, I'm no longer willing to wait on them to fix the problem of crappy dps. I've created a paladin, and I'm focusing on getting her leveled as fast as possible. I'd like to get to level 70 before the expansion, but even if I only get as fas as 58 or so I'll be ahead of the new Death Knights, and that should be enough to be at 80 when we start the new raids.

But it's really frustrating to hear the buzz and excitement going on around me, and not feel a part of it.

Things

Things I now have that I didn't before:

• mop
• ladle (needed for making proper pancakes!)
• toilet brush
• up-to-date vehicle registration

Things I still need to get:

• Waffle iron (even one that doesn't make Mickey Mouse waffles)
  
• small trash can
• cheese knife
• vehicle inspection
• nail clippers
  

Spontaneous Human Combustion

When you're a computer simulation of the inside of a car to see if the air conditioning is keeping the driver comfortable, and the computer reports that his skin temperature is approximately 10,000 degrees, you know something is not right.

I Wants A Strawberry Milkshake

Used to be in the movies, the way they let you know two people had just had sex was to show them lying in bed, with the Amazing Bifurcated Bedsheet that covered her up to the armpits but him only up to the waist, enjoying cigarettes. Not being a smoker, I've never felt any desire to light up after a romp in the sack. I often get a craving for something else quite sinful, though much tastier - a strawberry milkshake. Don't ask me why, I just do. Earlier in my marriage, that was something we'd joke about sometimes - "wanna earn a strawberry milkshake tonight?" Of course, unlike cigarettes, you can't keep milkshakes on the bedside table and McDonalds won't deliver them, so most of the time I would just do without.

Fast forward to two nights ago. I took Brett and Taylor out to dinner, and we spent part of that discussing dating as part of our project have The Talk with the kid. We covered things like dating is fun, dating is normal, dating is a progression and everybody moves at their own pace. I think we successfully cleared up a misconception that guys always to turn into drunken louts by the fourth date - no idea where that came from - but that if something like that should happen she can always call either of us to come get her. I think it went okay. Then I took them home and Brett invited me in for a few minutes. This ended up turning into the two of us cuddling on the sofa watching tv. And after Taylor went to be, things got a lot more intimate.

It was romantic and passionate and really, really wonderful. And after, we lay there holding each other for maybe an hour. But eventually it was time for me to leave, and that was hard on both of us. Brett said she couldn't bear to see me go, and left the room while I was getting dressed. I was really tempted to spend the night, to pretend a little longer that everything was all right between us. But I moved out for real reasons, reasons which are just as valid as they were two months ago, and it just seemed like a bad idea. So I went back to my apartment, walked the dog, and went to bed.