Somber

February will mark the six months since I moved out of the house. Tonight, Brett asked me where I wanted us to be at the point. And I had to tell her, that I felt that it would be bring our current state of limbo to a close. Either she needed to be seeing a therapist and dealing with her issues, or we needed to be seeing a couples therapist again, and make real progress toward reconciliation (which I believe is a long shot) or it would be time to begin making our separation official, and file for divorce.

God it hurt to say that. The words themselves hurt, and knowing that I was hurting her made it even worse. 

There's been so much pain these recent years. I don't want to be responsible for creating even more. But to not be honest, to pretend things can somehow magically get better on their own, would be so much worse. I need to be strong, somehow. To keep following the course I need  to in order to survive. And hopefully manage to not create any more pain along the way than is necessary.