Really Bad Language

Julie is a connoisseur of bad words. Not only are "Jesus Fucking Christ!", "Holy shit!", "Move your ass, motherfucker!" some of her most commonly uttered phrases, she also knows what are apparently some really horrible curses in Tagalog, Hindi, and Nihongo. She likes to test these out on native speakers, to make sure she is saying them right.

This shit is really important to her.

So, what ghastly expletive did she utter last night, when she stepped on a piece of glass and drove it half an inch into the sole of her foot? Did it make the paint peel off the walls in seven different languages? Did it make the angels weep, and the demons cower in the corner? Did it shift the earth on its axis and permanently alter the numeric value of the gravitational constant? Or was it simply the relatively mild "Ow! Mother of God."

Today, poor Julie is hanging her head in shame. For years she has been preparing for just such a moment, only to allow it to slip past her.

Toothbrush Wars

Julie: Did you just brush your teeth with my toothbrush?

Me: No, I think I used mine...

Julie: You did! You filthy dirty bitch!

Me (checking the bristles on my toothbrush and finding them freshly wet): No, see, I used mine.

Julie: Oh, okay.

Me: Did you just call me a filthy dirty bitch? For something I didn't do?

Julie: Yeah. You like?

Me: Of course not.

Julie: Yes you do.

Conversation After I Returned From The Store With Half the Groceries Wrong

Julie: I love you.
Me: I love you too.
Julie: Even if you has a dingleberry.