Knee Deep In Financial Documents...

...for the divorce. Gods, I want this to be over.

Luckiest Man In The World

The results of Julie's biopsy are, to put it simply, grim. She has a fast-growing, very likely to metastasize, cancer. There doing more tests now, to find out what the full picture is, but if indeed it has already spread then the odds of her surviving five years are not great. It would be so easy to curse the universe for teasing me, for dropping this woman who is perfect for me in my lap, only to threaten to take her away again. But that's not how I feel. I'm scared, I'm worried, but I also know that I have a wonderful, smart, funny, sexy woman to share my life with. A woman who thinks I am wonderful, and is happy to show me that she does. And, no matter what happens, no matter if our time together will be years or decades or only a few months, I still feel I am the luckiest man in the world.

It's Not Right

Julie and I both feel we've been waiting our whole lives to find each other. All the bad marriages, bad relationships, missteps, miscues, have taught us so much about who we are, and about what we want. Had we met twenty years ago, neither of us would have been the least attracted to each other. But now we know that we belong together, that we can be happy together. And everything is going to be as it should, finally.

This morning, Julie found out she has breast cancer. We don't know yet how bad it is, what the prognosis will be. But even best case, it won't be good. Physical pain and misery, financial stress, worry. And it very well may not be best case. The thought that I could lose the woman I belong with, now that I've finally found her, is terrifying. But I know Julie needs me to be strong for her, to help her, to be with her, because as bad as is this for me, it's much worse for her. I don't know how I'm going to do this, I just know I have to.

This just isn't right.

Update: Talked to a good friend whose mom is currently undergoing treatment for breast cancer. It helped a lot. I feel a lot less panicky now. No matter what, I am so, so glad Julie won't have to be alone.