Reason vs Hope

I want want WANT that which I know isn't going to happen. Why is it so damn hard to let go of hope for a miracle that I know won't happen? It's never worked out. It never will. So why can't I just accept that it's all over and move on?

God damn it.

Buffy Pictures

Buffy, with the protagonist. Wow, the hair on top of my head is getting thin...

Kids and puppies. Is anything cuter?

The most comfortable place in the world is On Top of Dad's Clothes.

Things I have in My Apartment Now

1. Iron

2. Ironing board

3. Air purifiers (one per room)

4. Waffle iron (yay!)

Things I do not have in my apartment:

1. No-sugar-added fruit bar popsicles (CRISIS!)

2. Beer

3. Winning lottery ticket

3 Stages of Mouthwash

0 - 10 seconds: Aiyee this stuff burns

10 - 20 seconds: Ah, it's not that bad. I can handle it for 30 seconds.

20 - 30 seconds: It burns! It burns! Spititout spititout SPITITOUT!!!!

I Has Videos!

Spent some time editing the video I shot of the play Taylor was in recently. Here's a few highlights:

Taylor played Frankie Fixit, head of the school's maintenance department. Here she and her assistant Terry Toole are working to relieve the "built-up sound pressure" acting on the school's structure.

Next, here she is attempting to warn the principal that there could be real problems.

Meanwhile, Rabin Capture, the school's former student now big-time pop star, is coming to give a performance. Frankie is less than thrilled.

And then weird stuff happens, and several of the students develop superpowers, causing various problems. Here, Frankie and Terry give one of the girls a pep talk.

Ups and Downs, But Still As Confused As Ever

After my rant last week about the situation in my guild, a good friend suggested I let Fio the GM knowthat it was bothering me. No guarantee he could do anything, but either way it could help in the long run. So, I waited a day to make sure what I'd seen with the Naxx pug wasn't just a one-time thing, and then sent him an e-mail. Didn't bitch or whine, just expressed concern that the Naxx runs were sucking up the pool of guildies who could be doing heroics, and also that it still wasn't clear to me if I could raid as a tank, or if I'd have to switch roles (and gear) when we shifted from 10-man to 25-man raiding. And he was very responsive - told me he wasn't happy about the frequency of the Naxx pugging (by this point they'd already scheduled a fourth one for the week) and that he was gonna stop it. Which he did. He also told me I had a guaranteed position as a tank when we get to 25-man Naxx, so that was a relief. Yay for open communication.

Took Buffy to a meet-up for pug owners this weekend. Turned out to be a much bigger deal than I was expecting - probably 50 people and their dogs. Buffy had a blast, and I struck up a few conversations, but it's starting to sink in what a long, slow process getting to know people is going to be. No wonder people who know what they're talking about have told me that dating is hell.

The friendship I was worried about having damaged right before Christmas seems to have gotten through okay after all. At least, we're chatting again and doing a good job of pretending it didn't happen. This is a huge relief. If anything else needs to be sorted out, right now I'm happy to let it wait 'til later.

Relations with Brett have taken another turn. Not only does it look like we really are having sex more often than when we were living together (not hard to do), but the intensity and the passion and the fun when we do are all way, way up. Like, better than its been since maybe 15 years ago. And she told me she's interested in creating more opportunities for it. I gotta say, after so many years of feeling starved for affection, this feels very, very good. However, I need to be sure that we both know that this isn't a path to reconciliation. I mean, the lack of affection was a problem, but it certainly wasn't the only one. And if I did move back in, how long would this last, without any other changes to keep the daily stresses from overwhelming it? I don't want to lead her on. But I don't want to blow this by acting all rational and cynical and grim about it, if it really is just two consenting adults who know and trust each other enjoying the experiences. Geh.

Buffy Pics

Took a look at the photo card on my camera, and found a few pictures of Buffy that I felt like sharing.


About a day after we got her, so roughly six weeks old. She were just a little thing:

After breaking her leg. Fortunately, she only had to wear the cast a few days. Unfortunately she had to be retricted from running or jumping for two months.

She and Athena, Taylor's 2-year-old golden retriever, are great friends. I take her over to the house whenever I can. They rip and tear and then collapse in an exhausted heap.

Christmas day. After I moved out, Brett and Taylor got a couple of cats. This one, Chewy (Chuy? Choowey? However the kid spells it...) thinks he's a dog too.

Things I Remembered Today

1. The remote key for the car does not work on my apartment door.

2. The time to buy a toilet plunger for one's apartment is before it is needed.