5 Things I Have Never Done

...and really hope I never do.

1) Follow the "Shake well before opening" instructions on a can of Slim-Fast, forgetting that I'm actually holding a can of Diet Coke.

2) Drop my cell phone in the toilet.

3) Use two cups of salt instead of two cups of sugar when baking a pie.

4) Call my wife my ex's name.

5) Convince myself I can manage to carry a really big really expensive tv up the stairs without help.

AvP Poker Faces

Yeah. I nerdgasmmed.

Winter Is Coming

This Sunday, at 8:00 pm Central time.

Pimp My Sith

Culture Fail

Julie:  Turkey is Emerilized!

me:  is wha?

Julie:  BAM!

me:  are you drunk?

Julie:  YOU DONT KNOW WHO EMERIL IS?!

me:  no....

Julie:  FFS use Google, Michael
he is probably one of the most famous chefs of current times

me:  ok
does he say "bam!" a lot?

Julie:  YES MICHAEL
GOOGLE BAM

me:  ok, I got

Julie:  omfg
you have just traumatized me
guh.

me:  I sorry

Julie:  I just don't get how you didn't know who he was
and since you didn't, you don't realize how nice it is that I am using his recipe to make you a turkey

me:  I am sure it is awesome


EDIT: Yeah, it was the best turkey dinner I've ever had. BAM!