I Has a Future

Okay, well, I haven't been putting up much about my personal life, because I've been enjoying it instead of struggling to make sense of it. Over the past six weeks or so, Julie and I have been growing closer and closer, more and more certain that we have found the right person, the one to spend the rest of our lives with. We've each had a chance to visit each other for a weekend, and she's coming to see me again for three days next week. It hasn't all been sunshine and puppies - long-distance relationships are hard, and when things get stressful (like, the when the "omg there's no way someone this wonderful could be in love with me - I must be making a fool of myself" fear hits) there's no way to just reach out and hold each other and be comforted. Instead, we have to rely on talking to each other. And we have gotten good at it, at talking, at communicating, letting the other know how much we love them. And it is wonderful.

It was only five days after we first started talking that we had this conversation. I'd been arguing with myself for two hours, trying to convince myself I couldn't possibly be feeling what I was feeling. That it just didn't make sense.

me: I think I am seriously falling for you. And - it's not supposed to be this way. I'm supposed to spend months looking, going on dates with the wrong person again and again
and I don't understand what I did to deserve someone who just seems so right just appear out nowhere
the universe is something that always has played against me with loaded dice
being a nice decent guy has always meant that someone else gets the girl
and yet here you are
so loving and open and just so
so
so wonderful
Julie: see, now this is a response :)
Me: hush I gotta keep going
and you think I'm pretty special too
I just really can't believe this is happening - at some point I'm going to wake up and have to deal with the work of finding someone
just someone good enough
and yet here you are, and I'm thinking that, in spite of all my determination to go slow
to not get ahead of myself
to remember that I've only known you a few days
to remember that there's a risk of looking for any port in a storm
in spite of all that, and I've got a lot of willpower, don't underestimate it
in spite of all that
I'm crazy about you
I want to hop on a plane tonight and come see you
I want to wait patiently for three years, seeing you on weekends now and then, because I think you are worth waiting for
I think you are absolutely the most wonderful thing thing to happen to me in a long, long time
and even though this is a crazy, preposterous, reckless thing to say, I'm going to say it anyway
because it is true
I think I'm falling in love with you
Julie: ...can I talk now? :)
me: ok
I'm done
Julie: would ditto be a bad thing to say here?

Her three sons will be out of high school in a few years. She's promised them that she won't leave Florida until then, and I want to stay here to be close to Taylor. So, we're going to do the long-distance thing as best we can, visiting when we can, calling and e-mailing as often as possible. And when the time comes, and we can be together, it will be so wonderful. And, oh yeah, I'm gonna marry her.