Brett never understood that what kept me going for so long was that my hope that somehow, something would change. Get better. And it kept overwhelming my rational side, convincing me to stick around, stick it out. And now I don't love her, and that hope is gone, and I can see things clearly at last.
Yesterday, being around her at Taylor's performance, it was clear that she's hoping that, somehow, I'll come back. No rational reason for it - I left months ago, I told her I didn't want to come back, I told her I want a divorce. But it's still there. And it's going to get crushed into the ground by the weight of cold, hard reality over the next few months, just like my hopes were. It's not something I would want for anybody - I know exactly how painful it is, how badly it hurts. And yet I'm going to be the one pulling the levers, setting the wheels in motion.
It's the right thing to do. I know that, not just for me, but for her too. And I will press on with it. But knowing what she's going through, pain that I wouldn't wish on a stranger, let alone someone I shared my life with, is going to suck.
No matter that she did the same to me.
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