Does Brett Have Any Marbles Left?

We got to visit my parents last week at their new home in Colorado (They're not in Ohio anymore, because Dad gets insanely restless every few years and needs to move. When he dies, my sister and I plan to put his ashes in an urn and move it around the country periodically so he doesn't get annoyed and go haunt people or something. Anywho.). While we were there, we had several discussions about Brett. We know Brett thinks that she can use Taylor as leverage over my parents when I start cutting off the money flow, and we wanted to make sure they understood that we won't let the utilities get cut off or the food run out. We just aren't going to give Brett cash anymore (much of which I'm sure is going to support her cows and goats and whatever else she's keeping).

Along the way, an interesting datum came up in all this. Brett's secret plan for when I cut her off is to take me to court and claim she is entitled to .... who knows what ... because I was seeing Julie before the divorce went through. Which shows she is pretty ignorant of the law. If at the divorce trial she could have shown that I had spent some of our joint money on Julie (which I admit I did) she would have been entitled to that much more than 50% of our net worth. However, I was already voluntarily giving her significantly more than 50%, so it would have been moot. And of course, there's the small fact that the trial happened over a year ago, and there's no do-overs.

But it's not her secret plan that dumbfounded me. It's just sad, that she thinks she can still avoid having to, you know, support herself like any other adult. What amazed me was that she confided her secret plan to my father. She actually believes that she is so in the right, and I so in the wrong, that my own parents are taking her side. The reality is that they think she is a lunatic who should be committed for her own good.

Twenty years ago, I fell in love with a bright, ambitious young woman. It hurts my heart to see what a pathetic, delusional, train wreck of a human being she has become.

Cutting the Umbilical Cord

It's been nearly two-and-a-half years since Brett and I separated. Nearly two years since I filed for divorce. Fifteen months since the divorce was finalized. In all this time, Brett has made no move towards finding a job so she can support herself. Instead she continues to life off of the $1600 a month I give her (on top of the child support payments). Nor has she gone back to school, which she had talked about doing and I had said I was willing to extend the support for. Much of this money is probably going to support her livestock hobby (cows, goats, whatever) which she pretends is a business but is really a hobby.

Well, I'm done waiting for her to get her shit together and become an adult. I'm not going to cut her off cold turkey, but I need to make it clear she does not have unlimited time. So I e-mailed her this:

About spousal support. These payments are intended to give you time to find employment so that you can support yourself. As I said several times during the divorce process, I was also willing to continue this support for up to three years so that you could go back to school. Now, it is your life and I have no interest in telling you what to do. However, at this point  I feel no further moral obligation (nor do I have one legally) to continue making payments to you while you do neither of these....I will keep the payments at their current level through September and then stop them. (This does not include the mortgage payments, which I will continue to make until the September following Taylor's 18th birthday.)

So how did she take it?

This is not something which you get to decide unilaterally....Well I guess we will go back to court only this time I will show up. I am still seeing a therapist and on medication, but am no longer clinically depressed to the point of only marginally functioning. So I won't be such a pushover. Agian, you have rationalized that you are "the good guy" and don't have to be "generous". Well, we disagree about what is fair, about what is legal, about what you get to unilaterally decide.

Well, guess what Brett? If you check the divorce decree, it says I only have to pay you $1000 a month through last September. What I am paying you now is entirely my choice. The law is completely on my side. I can be as unilateral with my money as I want. You've got eight months to become enough of an adult to at least attempt to support yourself. Get cracking.

And The Winner Is...

Possibility Number 2. Brett did not show up. So my lawyer and I ran down all the assets and debts and child support plans and how we wanted it all divided, and the judge said "sounds fine to me. you're divorced." I'm not even required to notify Brett or anything. She does get 30 days to claim I pulled a shenanigans, but the burden of proof would be on her, and since I didn't she would lose. I just, you know, didn't go out of my way to act as her unpaid personal secretary.

I am still in shock. It was over so damn fast...

So, What's Gonna Happen?

Today is the day of my divorce trial. I read recently that only 15% of divorces in the US end up going this far, and half of those involve allegations of abuse. All I can say is, my lawyer and I have tried repeatedly to negotiate a settlement, only to be met with hostility or silence. The most recent attempt was eleven days ago, when my lawyer and I were up half the night assembling all the financial documents Brett said she wanted to see before she would sign the agreement, only to have her cancel the meeting at the last minute with a truly vitriolic e-mail.

No wonder we couldn't make the marriage work.

I figure one of four things will happen today:

1) Brett shows up with a recently hired lawyer, who immediately asks the judge to postpone until she's had time to prepare. Brett asked me for $1200 just a week ago to hire an attorney, so it could happen.

2) Brett doesn't show up. I win by forfeit, but Brett gains another platform to tell our daughter how I screwed her. Since the check I gave her for the lawyer hasn't been cashed yet, it could happen.

3) Brett shows up without a lawyer, and begs for more time and rants about how unfair it is that she is going to have to, you know, get a job some time in the next couple of years. Probably would be awkward as hell.

4) Brett and her newly hired lawyer spring some sneak attack that neither my lawyer or I anticipated. I don't see how, but that is the nature of sneak attacks.

Meanwhile, Julie is getting her first chemotherapy treatment today. I would so much rather be with her.