I'm Afraid To Go Home

This was followed by: "You like screaming. Otherwise you're bored."

Gotta Find It

Julie: I HAZ QUIT JOB AND SCHOOL AND FIND MYOWNSELF
ok?

me: find youownself? is it missing?

Julie: Yah, I looked everywheres
GONE
it's on the milk carton
under missing

me: ok, that's going on the blog

Julie: LIES
you only write about incidents that involve blood.

Really Bad Language

Julie is a connoisseur of bad words. Not only are "Jesus Fucking Christ!", "Holy shit!", "Move your ass, motherfucker!" some of her most commonly uttered phrases, she also knows what are apparently some really horrible curses in Tagalog, Hindi, and Nihongo. She likes to test these out on native speakers, to make sure she is saying them right.

This shit is really important to her.

So, what ghastly expletive did she utter last night, when she stepped on a piece of glass and drove it half an inch into the sole of her foot? Did it make the paint peel off the walls in seven different languages? Did it make the angels weep, and the demons cower in the corner? Did it shift the earth on its axis and permanently alter the numeric value of the gravitational constant? Or was it simply the relatively mild "Ow! Mother of God."

Today, poor Julie is hanging her head in shame. For years she has been preparing for just such a moment, only to allow it to slip past her.

So, What's Been Going On The Past Few Months?

Life's been going pretty good the past few months. Financially, as the consequences of my divorce are easing and Julie's continuing recovery from the cancer treatments makes it easier for her to work, plus a nice gift from my parents, we're doing a lot better than we have in several years. More money coming in than going out is a damn nice place to be. Nice enough that we felt comfortable borrowing some money and getting a little something for Julie:

Not quite as fast as it looks, but it is a nice piece of machinery. And it means I don't have to drive us everywhere in my car.

Our cable company finally made HBO Go available to us. Similar to NetFlix's streaming service, it's a really spiffy system, if you already have HBO. In addition to having access to more movies than HBO On-Demand, it also let's you access all episodes of every series HBO has ever run. I've watched Luck and Rome, and Julie's been watching Big Love. Works nicely on our PCs, iPads, and iPhones. Very nifty.

Julie's just about finished her bachelor's degree. It probably won't benefit her career directly, but it does allow her to pursue more advanced degrees, which she couldn't do with just a two-year degree. Yesterday, she got an acceptance letter to the University of South Alabama's critical care nurse practitioner program. So, in a few years, she'll be able to get a job where she's the one who can prescribe medicine, order treatment, and tell someone else to clean up after the crazy patient who just pooped all over the floor. So that's a yay. Meanwhile, she's going to take additional classes at the local community college so that she can apply to either medical school or pharmacy school later. Or maybe go for a nurse anesthetist degree. As my mom told her, when she gets a fire lit under her, she really gets a fire lit. And I am so very proud of her.

Me, I'm just doing my job. I've transferred back to my old department, after a three-year stint in programming that didn't work out. I learned some good stuff, but the project they assigned me to was a really bad idea, and it just kept growing, instead of ending. Feels really good to be out from under it.

And because some things never change, I went to take a shower the other night, and she'd set a trap for me. The shower head was pointing out into the room, instead of down. I got wet, my towel got wet, the dog got wet. We both yelped (the towel remained silent). Yup, that's my baby.

Living The Life Unexpected

I work days and Julie works nights, so we sometimes only get a few minutes together in a 24-hour period. Not fun, but you make the most of the time you do have. The other day I got home at the usual time, and Julie was taking a shower before going to work at the usual time. So I stand in bathroom doorway and we talk about nothing of any particular importance.

And then she took the showerhead down (it's one of those with a flexible hose), pulled back the curtain, and sprayed me! With absolutely no provocation or justification!

There were some obscenities. Some name calling. And a lot of hysterical laughing.

My parents observed when they came down to visit a month ago how I've come alive again, after years of slowly dying inside. It's because I get to spend my life laughing again, instead of just surviving.

And then of course we had to have the "I don't want to go to work" conversation. It's pretty routine, but she always finds a way to keep it fresh.

"I don't wanna go to work. I gonna quit my job."

"You're gonna do it, huh?"

"Yeah. You think there's a lot of demand for big overweight prostitiutes with double masectomies?"

"WHAT? Oh, hell no. Even if I thought there was, do you think I would tell you that there was?"

"Don't be such a big baby. You're not getting any tonight, but someone might as well."

One never knows what will come out of Julie's mouth. And I love it.

She's Probably Right (She Usually Is)

Julie: So what are you getting me for Christmas?
Me: I can't tell you. It's a surprise.
Julie: Is it one of the two things I've told you I want but didn't just go buy myself?
Me: No, it's something else.
Julie: How can you know it's something I want if I didn't tell you?
Me: I came up with it on my own - I used my brain.
Julie: You no have brain!

I'm Not Inspired Yet, But I'm Getting Close

Back when we first started dating, Julie decided she was ready to lose weight. But then her dad died, and then she was diagnosed with cancer, and then her uncle died, and with all the stress those caused dieting just wasn't in the cards. Particularly during the chemotherapy, when all that mattered was "will this food stay down?"

But time has past, and life is much more settled now, and she's decided it's time to give it a go. For two weeks now, she's been monitoring her calories and taking herself to the gym nearly every day. She also signed up to do an extra shift at the hospital every week for the next few months, at the end of which she'll get a very nice bonus. So she's been pushing herself hard. And it's paying off - she's down about ten pounds so far, and while it's hard work, it isn't overwhelming her. Even the edema in her chest isn't any worse than usual (or if it is, she's fighting through it without telling me).

I'm very excited to see this. Less than two years ago, she was so weak from the cancer treatments. Just one night of work would leave her exhausted for days. But now, she's strong, she's in control of her life, and she's accomplishing her goals. I am very, very proud of her. I am even starting to feel a little motivated to start pushing myself to go back to exercising too, although not quite yet. Soon.

She just walked in here after taking a shower to show off how when she wraps the towel around herself there's no longer a gap at the bottom from not reaching all the way around her stomach. That is a big hooray (although the lecherous part of me thinks that means we need smaller towels...).

You Giefs iPhone Right Nao!

Julie: What you getting me for my birthday?

Me: A present.

J: What kind of present?

M: A wrapped one.

J: I know you're getting me a new iPhone, why you not just admit it?

M: You're birthday's in two weeks. You'll find out then.

J: That is too many long! I cannot wait.

M: Just be patient.

J: I cannot! I has a many fatigue and stress. You giefs me my present nao!

M: It's not your birthday yet.

J: I need!

M: I does not has yet.

J: you gonna forget to buy me one, I know it.

-- two days later --

J: I bought a new case for my phone that you're gonna give me for my birthday! See?

M: I guess I'm getting you a phone for your birthday.

J: Hooray! You go get it for me right now.

M: I don't have the money right now.

J: Well, don't you forget to buy it until the last minute and then I won't be able to use it on my trip to Florida.

M: I will get it on my next payday.

J: Good. We can go buy it together. This way I know you not screw it up, and then you can giefs!

M: But that's still a week before your birthday.

J: You're missing the point. You're not too bright, are you? That's okay, I love you anyway.

And She's....

...painting my toenails purple again. Just on the left foot. Not sure why she enjoys doing it, but she does, so I just roll with it. She can't really say. Perhaps it's reassuring to her, a reminder that yes, I do trust her, that I don't mind minor strange incursions into my personal space. I figure tolerating this affront to my manly dignity is just karma, catching up with me for all the times I wouldn't let my six-year-old kid sister dress me up like an oversized Barbie doll.

When I was with Brett, we never did anything together that didn't make sense. And as time went by, we just did less and less together, until there was nothing left. I realize now, doing little things that bring us closer together, that keep us from drifting apart, are so very very important. They keep the love strong and rejuvenated. Who cares if they make sense?

Of course, for the next week or so I'm going to glance down towards my feet and mentally scream "holy crap what happened to my toes???!?" at least once a day. I can live with that.

What I Was Up To One Year Ago Today (Sort Of)

Actually, it was one year ago yesterday. But I was doing other stuff yesterday.

It was a wonderful day. The rain stayed out in the gulf, the store we ordered the food from fixed their mistake in time, we didn't lose the rings, and I was the happiest man in the world.

One year later, I still am.

Messing With The In-Laws

J: I'm going to change my Facebook relationship status to "It's complicated."

M: Why would you do that?

J: Because then your parents will call you and ask what's wrong.

M: Yes, they will freak out and they will want to know what they can do to help, and they won't believe me when I say everything's fine so they will keep calling.

J: Yeah, you will like. It's good to talk to your parents.

M: No, it's going to get old after the second call.

J: Yes, but I will be amused, which is the most important thing. And then tomorrow? I'll change my status to "divorced". That'll really drive them crazy!

<thirty minutes later>

J: Ha-HAAAAH! I had a better idea. I'm going to make the change to your Facebook status! You will like.

M: Great googly moogly.

She's Trying To Kill Me

A lot of people sometimes bring home stuff from work. Pens, a stapler, maybe a tzotchke with the company logo on it. But what does my Julie the ICU nurse bring home?

She swears it's just melted ice she used to keep her cokes cold, but I know the truth:

She's trying to kill me.

Terms Of Endearment

Her: Come over here. I want cuddles.

:: cuddling ::

Her: Aiyeeee! Your foot is freezing!

Me: Yeah, it was sticking out from under the blanket.

Her: You cannot do that! Crazy motherfucker.

Me: ... I'm your husband. You cannot call me a "motherfucker."

Her: I just did. Bitch.

Me: This is so going on the blog.

Never A Dull Moment

Yesterday I was awakened by a delicious aroma, and Julie's voice saying, "Here baby, I fixed you french toast."

This morning I was awakened by one hand clamped around my ankle, the other vigorously tickling the bottom of my foot, and a cackling shriek of "IS PROCEDURE!"

Wonder what tomorrow will bring...