Things I Learned Watching the Superbowl Commercials

1) Drinking Coke makes it safe to sleepwalk across Africa

2) You can fake your death and be buried with a week's supply of Doritos

3) Buying your car at CarMax will impress your gopher

4) Casual Friday means everyone shows up in their underwear

5) If pictures of naked women were allowed on the internet, gay men would slap each other

6) Being in a committed relationship with a woman will cause you to lose your spine, your penis, and your hearing. But purchasing the right pants / tires / portable internet device will get the first two back for you.

7) Superbowl commercials have gotten truly lame