Voting

I voted today for president, for the fifth time in my life. 

I feel no allegiance to either major political party. Nor do I fit the labels of "liberal" or "conservative". I believe that we need more nuclear power, that the government should stay out of people's bedrooms, churches, and doctor's offices, that a modest national debt is a good thing, that we need a strong defense, that we need to protect species like polar bears and bald eagles and mountain gorillas but I couldn't care less about amphibians. I believe in hiways and free trade and embryonic stem cell research and progressive tax rates and giving people to save more and consume less.

In 2000 I was prepared to vote for John McCain, but he dropped out of the race before my state's primary.

In 2004 I heard Barak Obama speak, and thought "Holy crap, that man's going to be president someday."

Political campaigns are nasty, dirty, brutish events which leave all aspirants sullied. This has always been the case, going back at least to the ancient Athenians and probably long before them. It is unpleasant, but inevitable, and I accept this. What I Can. Not. Accept. is members of one campaign referring to citizens of this country as un-American, just because they have differing views on some issues. That they don't live in "real America". That they are anti-America. That is an attack on patriotic citizens, an attack on me, and an attack on the principles of democracy. It is an act worthy of Joe McCarthy, or the instigators of the salem witch trials. And it has cost their candidate my vote.

He may not have crossed over the line himself, but if he cannot govern his own campaign, how can he govern this nation?

Warcraft QQBBQ

So, like I said, Shadow Priests got majorly changed in the vew Version 3 of World of Warcraft, leaving me with a very well-geared character that I just don't enjoy playing any more. I've tried it, and it's just not fun for me. So I've been working hard to level up my paladin. She's only three levels away from Outland now, 15 from the cap, with two-and-a-half weeks to fo til the expansion. And I've been enjoying playing her. It looks like I just flat enjoy melee classes over casters - warriors, rogues, shaman, and now pallies.

Problem, though, is there's a lot of fun stuff going on right now. Headless Horseman, Achievements, and now the Scourge Invasion. But leveling takes time. A lot of time. So pretty much, I'm having to watch these things go on around me, without participating. Which is getting frustrating.  I'll be really glad when the expansion comes out, and I'm doing the same stuff as everyone else.

Okay, QQ off now.

Trials of Separation

My therapist thinks I should date other women. Be open to the possibility of intimacy with them too. Buy some really nice sheets for my bed, she told me one time. But definitely accept that reconciliation with Brett is not likely, and that she and I both know that I'd be miserable again if I moved back without Brett making big changes to how she behaves toward me.

I don't feel okay with the idea of dating. I went on a few dates when I was single, twenty years ago, but none of them led to anything. Might have been a second date or two, but I can't remember any third dates. Instead all of my relationships (a grand total of three) stared with friendship, then became physical, and then we got around to dating. Doing things in the more traditional order is a little intimidating. And then there are the implications. Going on dates with other women would mean giving up more of my unfounded optimism that still believes in the possibility that it can be worked out. 

Brett wants to reconcile. She flat out told me so last night. I'd gone over to the house for dinner and afterwards we played cards and thoroughly embarassed Taylor by giving her The Talk Part 3: Birth Control. We did a real good being a team, making it clear that we both felt this stuff was no big deal and that we expected her to put this information to use. After Taylor went to bed we talked some, and I said what I wanted was to be together but to be happy, and that I thought that would only be possible with more therapy, and she told me she wanted me to come back, and we ended up making out on the living room sofa. We have been much more physically affectionate these past two months than in recent years, and it feels so good. I love her, she loves me, and we want so much to be close.

But, it's not that easy.  Her instincts are still screwed up - sooner or later we'll have a difference of opinion, and she'll call me a loser and a jerk for having opinions or feelings different from hers. We'll agree to do something in a particular way, and then she'll go and do it her own way and be totally baffled as to why this bothers me - after all, it doesn't bother her. And we'd be right back where we were a few months ago, miserable and stressed and desparate for a way out. This just will not work.

And what do I want?

I don't know. I'm happy right now, happier than I've been in a long time. And I don't want to give that up. And I don't want to start any new commitments, just yet. But, keeping things in limbo might not be fair to Brett and Taylor, and possibly me. So, I just don't know. Wish it was simpler.

Coolest Damn Game EVAH!

Also known as mopping the floor, for those of us who are not six month old puppies.

Warcraft Frustrations

So, version 3 of World of Warcraft is scheduled to go live in a few days, with major reworks on combat rules, the roles of different classes and talent builds. Minor changes too, like pets no longer taking up valuable bag space and hairstyling available in all the cities. All in preparation for the Wrath of the Lich King expansion, which is due to hit next month. There's a lot to be excited about.

But I'm not.

My main character the past six months has been a Shadow Priests. Spriests play a useful role in raiding - their Vampiric Touch spell causes the damage they do to monsters is returned to their allies in the form of mana, giving them the ability to cast more spells and do more damage without running out of mana. During a long fight, a shadow priest can return more mana than there was to start with. Additionally, spriests debuff their target, making them more vulnerable to attack, particularly from shadow magic. To balance this, our ability to do damage is less than that of other caster classes, such as mages and warlocks. But it's a fair trade, and I've enjoyed being the guy that makes it easier for others to do their jobs.

But that's all going away.

With the new rules, spriests are supposed to be generic casters. There will remain some mana resotration ability, but it will be at a flate rate - independent of how effectively we're hurting the monster. And two other specs - survival hunters and retribution paladins - will also be able to provide that mana. And the debuffs on our targets? Gone. To balance this, our damage is supposed to be ramped up to the point where we can match anyone in the raid.

But Blizzard got the math wrong.

All of the beta testers and theorycrafters are reporting that spriests are still at the bottom of the pack, damage-wise. Blizzard has aknowledged that something is wrong and that they're still working on it, but the actual class designer has said nothing. And now weeks have gone by with no changes, no updates, no explanations. Meanwhile, other classes are getting what appear to be final tweaks to their abilities. 

People are getting excited about the changes. Lots of buzz on the internet. Not everyone getting stuff as cool as the rhino pets for hunters, but most folks are getting something. There are complaints about Blizz pushing some specs to play in a way different than they'd like. There have been a few outcries when one rule change causes real problems (holy pallies comes to mind) but those seem to be getting addressed fairly quickly. I don't think any of the other classes are outright not working as supposed to, except ours.

I know my guild would allow me to keep raiding, even if the shadow priest build remains broken.. Showing up on time, bringing supplies, following instructions, and not standing in the fire count for a lot. Possibly being a nice guy helps too. But I don't want to the weak link in the raid's chain. It has zero appeal. And since I can't tell what Blizzard will do or when they'll do it, I'm no longer willing to wait on them to fix the problem of crappy dps. I've created a paladin, and I'm focusing on getting her leveled as fast as possible. I'd like to get to level 70 before the expansion, but even if I only get as fas as 58 or so I'll be ahead of the new Death Knights, and that should be enough to be at 80 when we start the new raids.

But it's really frustrating to hear the buzz and excitement going on around me, and not feel a part of it.

Things

Things I now have that I didn't before:

• mop
• ladle (needed for making proper pancakes!)
• toilet brush
• up-to-date vehicle registration

Things I still need to get:

• Waffle iron (even one that doesn't make Mickey Mouse waffles)
  
• small trash can
• cheese knife
• vehicle inspection
• nail clippers
  

Spontaneous Human Combustion

When you're a computer simulation of the inside of a car to see if the air conditioning is keeping the driver comfortable, and the computer reports that his skin temperature is approximately 10,000 degrees, you know something is not right.

I Wants A Strawberry Milkshake

Used to be in the movies, the way they let you know two people had just had sex was to show them lying in bed, with the Amazing Bifurcated Bedsheet that covered her up to the armpits but him only up to the waist, enjoying cigarettes. Not being a smoker, I've never felt any desire to light up after a romp in the sack. I often get a craving for something else quite sinful, though much tastier - a strawberry milkshake. Don't ask me why, I just do. Earlier in my marriage, that was something we'd joke about sometimes - "wanna earn a strawberry milkshake tonight?" Of course, unlike cigarettes, you can't keep milkshakes on the bedside table and McDonalds won't deliver them, so most of the time I would just do without.

Fast forward to two nights ago. I took Brett and Taylor out to dinner, and we spent part of that discussing dating as part of our project have The Talk with the kid. We covered things like dating is fun, dating is normal, dating is a progression and everybody moves at their own pace. I think we successfully cleared up a misconception that guys always to turn into drunken louts by the fourth date - no idea where that came from - but that if something like that should happen she can always call either of us to come get her. I think it went okay. Then I took them home and Brett invited me in for a few minutes. This ended up turning into the two of us cuddling on the sofa watching tv. And after Taylor went to be, things got a lot more intimate.

It was romantic and passionate and really, really wonderful. And after, we lay there holding each other for maybe an hour. But eventually it was time for me to leave, and that was hard on both of us. Brett said she couldn't bear to see me go, and left the room while I was getting dressed. I was really tempted to spend the night, to pretend a little longer that everything was all right between us. But I moved out for real reasons, reasons which are just as valid as they were two months ago, and it just seemed like a bad idea. So I went back to my apartment, walked the dog, and went to bed.

Ma Bell Hates Meh

So ah hates her back.

I got home after having been a way a week to find my phone service dead. No dial tone, no DSL, nada. Calls to AT&T on my cell established that 1) they hadn't disconnected me due to billing issues or anything 2) there were no widespread outages in my area 3) they had no idea what the problem was. So, they tell me they're sending out a service guy sometime today to look into it. We shall see.

She Pwned Teh Face

I stayed up a couple hours later then normal last nice, 'cause Bell offered to run orctacles through RFK so he could finish a quest, and that was when she was available. <3 Bell. Figured I'd just stay in bed a little later this morning to make up for it. Unfortunately, I forgot to explain this to the dog.

5 am the Buffy torpedo slams into my face with maximum licking action. YOU MUST BE BATHED! she announced, and proceeded to lick my cheeks, nose, eyebrows, mouth-- BLURGH!

So I got up, took her for a walk, and then did some dailies.

Football, And A Moment Of Closeness

Brett invited me over to the house to watch a football game yesterday. Since she has the 46" hi-def and I have ... umm ... my cell phone? if I wanna pay for it? I took her up on it. It was a nice, relaxing afternoon. She fixed some nachos, we had a beer or two, we put our feet up and watched the Patriots show that the Jets can't beat them, even with Brett Favre and no Tom Brady. Oh well.

After the game, she needed to go meet someone for a while. She asked if I wanted to stay and watch the Steelers play the night game, but I said no, I'd rather leave as planned, while things were going well. She understood that. So we hugged, and kissed, and kissed more, and caressed, and ...

"I want you" she whispered. I can't remember the last time she said anything like that to me. But she had to go, and saying sneaking off to the bedroom for a quickie when the kid would've known exactly what we were up to just wasn't something I felt comfortable with. So we left it at that, and said goodbye, and went our separate ways.

I don't know if that moment will come again for months, if ever. And part of me regrets not taking her hand and leading her into the bedroom, regardless of the circumstances. But mostly right now I'm just enjoying knowing that, despite what's happened, we can both still feel that desire for each other.

I Can Haz Hurricane?

We're kinda weird here in central Texas in that we want hurricanes to hit us. Hurricanes mean rain to refill the lakes and aquifers after a hot, dry summer. Yeah, they can do some wind damage too, but we're far enough inland that the winds usually have dropped a fair amount by the time they get here.

So far this summer, three different hurricanes have made landfall on or near Texas, and we haven't gotten diddly rain from any of them. Last night Ike came ashore near Houston, and we're supposed to get some rain out of this one. Right now, though, we're just getting a strong breeze, and looking at the weather sites I'm not at all sure that this one won't miss us too.

Phooey.

Updates

Took Buffy to the vet this morning. He took out her stitches, and said that her range of motion in the borked leg looks good. However, gotta keep the locked in a crate except when on a leash treatment going another couple weeks. She's not gonna like that...

Also, several crates of fruit bars are being airlifted in tonight from the grocery store down the street, narrowly avoiding a popsicle catastrophe of epic proportions.

/cry

I'm out of Dreyer's Fruit Bars.

/despair

New Rule

Buffy's leg appears to be healing, but it's a slow process. I'm tired of having to come home at lunch every day to walk her. I'm tired of having to force her to swallow jagnormous fish oil pills every evening. And she's tired of being locked in a cage all day and not allowed to run around and jump on the bed and all that.

Taylor broke her leg last February. Brett broke her foot in March. and Now Buffy. So, new rule. Nobody in my life is allowed to break their leg without they get permission from everyone else first.

So there.

Sex Ed

Brett and I were talking the other day, and we agreed that being in 6th grade means it's time for more thorough talks with Taylor about sex. Not the "where do babies come from" talk - we've covered that long time ago, and she's got a pretty good handle on at leasts the basics of biology, anatomy, and reproduction. Plan to go into some more detail, but that won't be a big deal. Also want to cover stuff like birth control, relationships, why people have sex, and why they don't. I'm a believer in giving kids lots of information, so they can at least have a chance to know what they're doing, and letting them know that you see that you're comfortable talking about it - that you see it as a part of life & not something to be embarrassed about.

And for the most part, I'm pretty comfortable with this. It's how I was raised, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. I've never believed that teaching kids about sex encourages them to have sex, any more than wearing seatbelts encourages people to drive into brick walls. I also would just as soon she not "save herself for marriage." From personal experience, I know that two virgins having sex can be awkward, clumsy, and unsatisfying. I want her to enjoy her wedding night, ya know? So, at some point, she's going to make some choices, and I want her to be ready to make good ones. And I want her to be comfortable getting answers to any questions she has - whether from me, her mother, or books - not rely on friends who may or may not know what they're talking about.

For the most part, I think Brett and I can share this job. We pretty much see eye-to-eye on a lot of this. There are a couple of areas where I'm pretty ignorant, though, and probably would muck things up if I talked to Taylor about them. One obvious one is menstruation. The fact that I'm okay buying tampons at the grocery store hardly is sufficient qualification. I'd do my best if I had to, but I think it's okay to let her mother handle this subject.

One that's not so obvious is masturbation. Now, for a boy this would be pretty easy - the mechanics are straightforward, and mostly you just need to remind them to stop from time to time. But for a girl? I know it's more complex, not just the act itself but the whole significance of it. And I know it's different from person to person. And that's about as much as I know. And I don't think it's something I can leave to Brett. She told me early in our marriage that she'd tried it one time as a teen, didn't get much out of it, and never masturbated again. I can't help but think that masturbation is part of a healthy sex life, and Taylor's going more information than either of us can give her. But, I'm flying blind here - maybe it's not so big a deal as I'm making it. Tried looking on Amazon for a book that might help with this, but so far all I've found is sex ed primers and softcore porn, neither of which is any help. Bleh. Gotta keep looking, I guess.

Cooking Tip

When cracking eggs and you suddenly realize that your brain has been somewhere else and you are a fraction of a second from dumping the contents down the garbage disposal....

Just write the dang egg off. Do NOT try to change course in mid-dump and swing the egg around to over the mixing bowl which is on the opposite side of the kitchen. Is a bad, bad idea.

Doing All Right

Couple of folks have checked in, just to see how I'm doing these days, and it's much appreciated. Fortunately, the answer is I'm doing a lot better than I thought I would. For so long, I think fear has been what's kept me with Brett. Fear of being alone. Fear of traumatizing Taylor. Fear of the unknown. But now that I've moved out on my own, it turns to be okay. The many friends I've made through Need More Rage this past year have really helped a lot - it's easier to not feel alone when you know you have people you can talk to. And Taylor appears to be adjusting okay, at least so far. I'm sure there'll be times when it hits her hard, but I now think we'll be able to handle those when they happen.

One of the things I did to make it easier for me to take this leap was to tell myself (and Brett) that there was a good chance it wouldn't be permanent. That I would still be looking for ways to bring us back together, once the raw nerves and tensions had had some time to recover. But now, roughly two weeks after moving out, I really can't imagine ever going back. I was so unhappy in that environment, and now, while I won't go so far as to say I'm happy, I'm certainly less unhappy than I've been in years.

And Buffy the puppy? She's doing fine too - surgery on her knee went well, and now instead of a splint immobilizing her leg, she just has a pin inside it. The challenging part is that we need to keep her from running or jumping for the next four weeks. That ain't gonna be easy - she likes her funs.

Puppy is Borked

So, here's a (not very good) shot of me and Buffy, my 3-month old pug. The other night, my daughter was holding her and she decided she wanted "Down. Now!", so she wiggled a bit and flooped out of the kid's arms. But she landed badly and started screaming - "YIIIIIIIIIIIIPE!!!!! YIPE! YIPE! YIPE!" I immediately rushed over and picked her up and held her 'til she calmed down, but it became obvious pretty quickly that any weight on the right front leg was very painful to her.

So the next morning I took her to the animal hospital, first thing. Sure enough, it's broken. Right at the elbow. They put a splint on her, and wrapped it in bright pink medical whatever. If she was a 7-year-old girl, it'd be perfect for her friends to sign with lots of flowers and hearts and all. But she's a dog, so she doesn't care. All she knows is, there's something on her leg that makes it non-bendy and longer than any of the others. But within a few hours she'd figured out how to scamper around on three legs, with the fourth doing some sort of windmilly action alongside.

Unfortunately, the way the bone is broken, it's not going to heal properly on its own, which would lead to arthritis and other nasty stuff as she gets older. So tomorrow, I've got to take her in for surgery, to get it set properly. Don't know yet if that means pins or what.

Poor little unsuspecting puppy.

Screwed By Ma Bell

And I didn't even get any cuddle time after.

So a week-and-a-half ago I ordered a phone service / DSL package from AT&T, through their web site. The phone started working on Monday, as promised. But no sign of the DSL kit. So I waits. And waits some more. I tried accessing my account through the web site, but it claimed my phone number didn't exist. Blargh.

Finally, this morning I get a live person on the phone. "I'm sorry, there's no record of you having ordered DSL." Great googly moogly. How is this possible, when I ordered a package? So, we get the order re-submitted, but the earliest the service can be in place is Monday. Assuming they don't lose the paperwork again.

Fegh.