I Don't Think My Stepson Gets Us

There are the sounds of shrieking from our bedroom. Then water running. A few minutes later I emerge into the living room.

Me (faux indignant): Your mom just poured Dr Pepper on my head!

Stepson: Why?

Me: For her own amusement!

Ss: Is she okay?

Me: Of course not! She's freaking nuts!

At which point he retreats back into the stable and rational world of Spongebob Squarepants. Poor kid. It must be hard being a teenager and knowing your the only sane person in your family.

And She's....

...painting my toenails purple again. Just on the left foot. Not sure why she enjoys doing it, but she does, so I just roll with it. She can't really say. Perhaps it's reassuring to her, a reminder that yes, I do trust her, that I don't mind minor strange incursions into my personal space. I figure tolerating this affront to my manly dignity is just karma, catching up with me for all the times I wouldn't let my six-year-old kid sister dress me up like an oversized Barbie doll.

When I was with Brett, we never did anything together that didn't make sense. And as time went by, we just did less and less together, until there was nothing left. I realize now, doing little things that bring us closer together, that keep us from drifting apart, are so very very important. They keep the love strong and rejuvenated. Who cares if they make sense?

Of course, for the next week or so I'm going to glance down towards my feet and mentally scream "holy crap what happened to my toes???!?" at least once a day. I can live with that.

This Is For Julie

Is a dude.

We Have Our Own Language

So, when we have a conversation like:
Julie (using her aristocratic voice): "Does .... does you need me to .... beat your heinie?"
Me: "What, with a giant black dildo?"
Julie: "Yeah!!! You will like!"

What we actually mean is:
Julie: "I love you and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you."
Me: "I love you and I am so glad I get to spend the rest of my life with you, too."

Just don't ask me why we use that language. There is, in fact, no beating and no giant dildo. All I know is, we know what we mean.

Is It Too Late To Trade In My Dad For The Cool One?

I mean, I love you Dad and all, but holy crap! With this one I could have had Shadowcat and Lockheed with my lunch. Along with about a bazillion more brown bags of awesome...

Reality Has A Well-Documented Anti-Conservative Bias

"Now, therefore, I, Rick Perry, Governor of Texas, under the authority vested in me by the Constitution and Statutes of the State of Texas, do hereby proclaim the three-day period from Friday, April 22, 2011 to Sunday, April 24, 2011, as Days of Prayer for Rain in the State of Texas." Perhaps he was counting on the prayers to make up for the planned 20% cut in funding to the Texas Forest Service.

And how well did that work? Here's some recent footage from Bastrop State Park, not far from the state capital.

Either god is a mean bastard who really hates Texas and its governor and the 500 or so families who have lost their homes, or else Texas is a hot dry place to begin with that has suffered from the combined effects of the cyclical weather pattern La Nina and overall climate change.

The people who founded this country but barriers in place to separate government from religion, because they realized that governments suck at metaphysics and religions suck at managing a world controlled by predictable natural laws that can be studied and learned. It's too bad many of our modern leaders lack their wisdom.